Another example of an allowance is breaking down the time we know we will have to spend in any given situation. It may be a business meeting, it may be an evening with friends, it may be doing the shopping. It could be anything.

If we know something will take two hours, work with the first hour first. Don’t even think about the second hour. If it is too difficult and our anxiety level doesn’t settle down, we can leave after the first hour. Usually by the second hour we are not even aware the first hour is over, because we have become involved with what we are doing, and not with the anxiety and attacks.

In the beginning there may be times when we feel we will have to leave a situation. If it becomes too difficult to manage, then leave, not with a sense of failure, but accepting that this time it was too difficult. A sense of failure defeats us, not only in the short term but also in the long term. Accept it and let go of the worrying. There will be other times when we will be able to do it as long as we keep practising.

We become ultra-sensitive to ourselves, and tend to think other people’s reactions towards us are as intensified as our own. In fact, a situation which we consider devastating is either unnoticed by other people or is quickly forgotten by them. Don’t add unnecessary stress by worrying about what people have thought or will think. It is not important. Recovery is.

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Mastering one skill brings a child quickly to the next frustration. When stands in her crib, she may cry desperately because she hasn’t yet learned how to get herself down. She needs you to help until she can help herself again, needs a little extra reassurance, so separation difficulties are common.

Dealing with developmental sleep issues may be particularly frustrating because parents do not have control over a child’s development. Sometimes only “cure” is allowing the development to continue on its own with encouraging messages from you. It helps to recognize that the transition probably be short-lived. Overreacting and doing too much can only prolong problem if she becomes dependent upon your help to go to sleep.

Although each child is an individual, there are guidelines and Ü information that apply to all. Table 3 summarizes the affect of development sleep. With this foundation, you can begin to look at the specific is concerning you about your child.

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For Matthew the loss was devastating. He had always been a sensitive person. Even as a young boy he had always been ‘thin-skinned’, feeling more stung than most by ordinary taunts from other boys in the playground. Later, when it came time to date girls, he was always painfully aware when he did not have a girlfriend while others did. ‘I was always crushed by rejections,’ he recalls ‘and would often be disinclined to try things because of fear of failure.’ He wondered whether his extreme sensitivity was somehow related to his pale sun-sensitive skin which went along with his ginger hair.

Being abandoned by his wife was one of the biggest blows of Matthew’s life. He felt like a failure as a husband and a father and went into a profound depression that was to last six years. During this time he felt like a bad person – if that were not the case, he reasoned, why would his wife have left him for another man? He couldn’t sleep at night as his mind ‘would race to places I wouldn’t want it to go – back to the memories of being abandoned and betrayed by my wife’. During the day, on the other hand, a cloud of exhaustion would overwhelm him when he was at work and should have been attending to the security of the business for which he worked. He recalls how his eyelids ‘weighed 1000 pounds each’ and he could barely stay awake. He craved junk foods – sweets, donuts, chocolate ice-cream and cakes. His blood sugar became elevated and he needed medications to lower it.

Things became so bad that he felt as though he no longer had any reason to live. Life seemed to lose its meaning and he would ask himself, ‘What is this all for?’ He went to the doctor for help, mindful that he had proven to be hypersensitive to almost all medications he had been given in the past. The doctor recommended Lustral, but Matthew suffered a serious allergic reaction after only a single dose. His eyes swelled shut, his heart ‘raced 100 miles per hour’ and he had nightmares and hallucinations.

Shortly after this experience, his mother saw a television programme in which the benefits of St John’s Wort were discussed. She suggested that he might try it. Recognizing his sensitivity to medications, Matthew began by taking 300 mg of St John’s Wort per day. He felt some relief from the very first day and the improvement continued over the subsequent two months, by which time his depression had lifted completely. His sleep improved and even though he was sleeping fewer hours than he had been, he ‘seemed to get more out of it’ and felt more rested and alert during the day. His energy level ‘was boosted back to its normal level’.

Matthew has returned to his old passion, music, and has begun to play his guitar again. He finds himself walking around the house, singing and dancing. For a long time he’d forgotten that music even existed. Now he is overjoyed to have rediscovered it and will literally burst out into song. He has returned to church again, visiting different denominations to discuss religious ideas with different people. Along with his improved mental condition, Matthew’s physical health is also better. Remarkably, given his sensitivity to medicines of all types, Matthew has experienced no side-effects whatsoever on St John’s Wort.

Even though his depression is over, Matthew recognizes that he is now faced with having to rebuild his life. ‘I am just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel,’ he observes, ‘but I’m not there yet.’ He plans to go to the gym and enrol in classes so that he can get a better job. He is even contemplating beginning to date again ‘without the old defeated attitude’. He has begun to chat with an old sweetheart from his school days and is thinking of buying some new clothes and taking her out dancing.

He sums up his experiences with St John’s Wort as follows:

‘After six years of solid depression, of feeling crippled and at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump … all my ailments have subsided.

I no longer feel any need for a medical professional. My faith has been restored. It’s a miracle.’

No doctors involved. No side-effects. Complete remission of a chronic and disabling depression. Small wonder, therefore, that Matthew regards St John’s Wort as a miracle herb that has given him back his life.

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