GENERAL BEHAVIOURAL PROBLEMS: SEPARATION ANXIETY
All children will exhibit distress the first time they are separated from their parents, especially from the mother as she is usually the primary care-giver. The first time that separation occurs is when the baby is put down to sleep. The repeated and inevitable separations that follow are an important part of the developmental process for the young child. If the separations are properly handled, the child will develop the independence and self-confidence that will enable him to develop appropriate relationships with care-givers and other adults, and allow him to learn from new situations. If there continues to be significant anxiety every time a child is separated from parents, or from familiar and comfortable surroundings, then this may have a harmful effect on the child’s social development.
Separation obviously involves the parents as well as the child, so it is a mutual process. There is enormous individual variation in the manner and ease of separations, and this is determined by attributes of the child and attitudes and feelings of the parents.
A child’s individual temperament characteristics will affect the intensity and duration of the distress that occurs. A child who is intense, fearful or has a negative mood will probably make a big fuss. On the other hand some children have a more ‘laid back’ temperament which will make it likely that they will have a less strong reaction. However, while a child’s temperament will often determine the strength of the reaction to the departure of the parents, it is likely to be the reaction of the parents that will determine whether separation issues continue to be a problem.
All parents bring to their relationship with their child their own set of attitudes, fears and emotions that are a function of their own life experiences. There is great variation amongst parents in their self-confidence, their perceived level of competence as parents, their anxiety level about themselves and their children, and so on. There is also variation in the degree to which parents can tolerate crying or other signs of distress in their children. Some cannot bear the thought of their child being upset, and spend much time and effort trying to protect the child from events that may cause them distress. Others know that it is important for a child to learn that life is not a bed of roses, that it is inevitable that he will face situations that cause upset, and that learning to cope with these situations is an important part of growing up.
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