MASTURBATION

The majority of both men and women come to know about their own sexuality through masturbation, which usually starts around age 10 or 11. Of course, boys and girls do play with themselves long before this, particularly boys, who may grasp their penises in their first year of life, but only because it is an appendage that juts out from their body.

As a pleasurable sensation, though not a sexual one, infants fondle themselves around the ages of three and four, and may explore each other around the ages of five and six, but it is not until adolescence, when sex hormones are being produced, that masturbation for sexual pleasure starts. Age 10 or 11 is the earliest, but it can start much later; for some, masturbation is not experienced until the late teens or early 20s.

It is only through personal experimentation that people come to understand their preferences and develop techniques that they find most pleasing. But it is essential that these preferences are expressed to a partner, and that the techniques are candidly shared.

In the majority of people, auto-erotic experience is highly private and masturbation is one of the most difficult of all topics for couples to discuss. Perhaps religious orientation forbids it, or it still may be an area they feel unable to discuss because it is so highly private. Many people find masturbation a difficult subject to approach because they think they have to share what they actually do. This isn’t at all necessary, but you should try to share with your partner how you feel.

Auto-eroticism, of course, is not limited to self-stimulation of the genital organs; there are many other experiences in life that are auto-erotic, such as taking a long, luxurious, sensuous bath, or simply feeling the wind in your hair and the sun on your skin. Don’t limit your view of auto-eroticism entirely to sex; allow yourself to be stimulated by the many naturally occurring, everyday experiences such as a crisp, sunny winter morning, a walk along the beach on a fine day, or swimming in the sea.

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